Forgiveness Nuggets 6
It is usually someone wounding us deeply that causes us not to forgive them.
Four levels of wounding that require forgiveness are:
- Bruise. This act wasn’t intentional. When someone asks to be forgiven, don’t say, “It’s okay”. I have news for you, It’s not okay.
Forgiveness is a necessary, moment-by-moment; day-by-day exercise because letting little things mount up creates the proverbial mountain out of a mole hill. The first little wound causes a bruise. But then they do it again and again. Ever keep poking at a bruise? It gets very sore until it is not only a bruise, but a deep wound.
When we forgive people, we expect it to have the desired effect. They should learn the lesson. The next time the offensive act happens, it’s harder to forgive because apparently they didn’t learn the lesson. What we need to understand about forgiveness is that it seldom results in the offending party doing an about face.
Forgiveness must be the center of every marriage.
- Cut. Immediate, personal.
The hurt is personal
The wounding act seems very unfair
The pain is felt deeply
Forgiveness must always begin with a choice-a willingness to realistically assess both our own and the other person’s accountability and then release resentment about the one who wronged us so that we ourselves might be healed of the hurts.
- Open Wound. Intentionally hurt by a person unrepentant. The wound festers, we become resentful, and deep resentment or bitterness sets in.
We may consciously want to forgive because we recognize the benefits of forgiveness but our wanting is not enough.
We cannot dislodge growing roots of resentment and bitterness by ourselves. We must learn how to let the Lord Jesus Christ rid us of hurts that have taken root at such a deep level.
We think forgiveness can be accomplished simply by mental choice, or that time and distance will heal all things. Time does not heal. Christ does.
We think our choosing to act compassionately accomplishes forgiveness. But in fact, forgiveness is not done until we take our hurts to the cross, giving our deep feelings to the Lord for Him to put to death and to restore a right spirit in us.
He will help us forgive, because forgiving abusers requires supernatural help. Someone who has been raped can’t easily forgive. It takes Jesus bringing healing into their life and changing their heart so they are capable of forgiving. He does do it if we allow Him in. He did it for me.
God provides judgment and renders justice far better than we can do. God loves us and does not want us to suffer. He wants us to be free of the pain of abuse.
We should leave vengeance to be handled by the Lord.
We must come to Him repentantly.
One of the best tests whether forgiveness is accomplished is when someone starts criticizing the person who caused our hurt and we have no desire to add to it.
- Crippling Injury. Traumatic experiences of early childhood. Such unforgiveness lodged deep in the spirit are often expressed in destructive behavior.
A lot of the time the child will push the hurt so deep into their soul it’s as if it didn’t happen. They have no memories of it. It is their way of protecting themselves. However, unless this very deep wound is healed, it will manifest itself in many different ways in the child’s life.
There usually is such a deep sense of shame that the person blames themselves for the sin done to them. Shame is false guilt and is not from God.
We develop addictive behaviors to keep our minds and feelings off the pain of that false guilt. For some it’s alcohol, food addictions, for others pornography (yes, Christians!). Don’t be fooled. Just because we are Christians, doesn’t mean we are exempt from these things. We ALL need Jesus Christ!
Prayer:
Father, I ask You to show me each of these areas where I am holding unforgiveness in my heart. Help me to be quick to forgive so that resentment and bitterness does not fester in my heart. Bless those that have hurt me. Amen!
Lorilie Nelson
Choosing Forgiveness
John & Paula Sandford and Norm Bowman
Copyright © 1996
Clear Stream, Inc. Publishing
Box 122128, Arlington, Texas 76012
Total Forgiveness
R.T. Kendall
Copyright © 2002
Published by Charisma House
A Strang Company
600 Rinehart Road
Lake Mary, Florida 32746
Scripture quoted from:
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